I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
