After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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