When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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