Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
