I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
