Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
