its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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