This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
