Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
