so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
