I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
