Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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