This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I still have a little drunk in my system
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
