I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
