Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
