this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
