what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
