he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
