5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
