yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
