Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
