Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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