im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
