All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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