OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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