i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
