oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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