So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
