Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
