I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
