Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
