its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
