Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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