i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
