its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
