now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
