I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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