Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
