I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
