...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
