Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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