I skipped work to stalk him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
