Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
