Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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