He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
