Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
