are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
