I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
