I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
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I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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