She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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