I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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