Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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