hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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