This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
