you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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