I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
