Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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