Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
