so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
