A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
