you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
