It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
