you would pick up someone in the library
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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