Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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