I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
