How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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