and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
