I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
