Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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