you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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