you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
