I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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