My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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