Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
