Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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