i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
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Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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