New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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