i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
