i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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