Who wears a wallet chain?!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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