I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
