Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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