I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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